The London Olympics is over and I’m now in training… with some boiled sweets

Phew, what an amazing couple of weeks we’ve just had.  Back to back sport, amazing camaraderie and as for those extremely fit bodies that paraded in my lounge, well it was a pleasure to flick on my TV each day.

I don’t know about you, but from the phenomenal opening ceremony to the blast of a closing ceremony last night, it has been an absolute joy to watch and be part of. And as one can expect from such an event, the need to take up sport and emulate these Olympians has transpired, not only beyond my front door, but also within.

But what could I do I ask myself?   Could I be the next female Phelps?  Probably not.  Could I take on Usain Bolt in the 100m?  Most definitely not.  Could I even take up a bow and plant an arrow in a bulls eye?  With co-ordination such as mine, I think not.

There seems only one sport I could take on then.  And that I believe is speed-walking.  Yes my friends,  come Rio 2016, I fear I will outshine my fellow Olympians and walk my way to victory.  Of course there are a few obstacles to overcome, namely, the stride, the pose, the wiggle and sourcing a good supply of boiled sweets and some large rubber bands.

Let’s start with the Stride.  I watched the ladies speed-walk over the weekend and the silver medallist Olga Kaniskina  had a stride that was to be envied.  Unlike her fellow competitors, whose feet were flapping like propellers, Olga kept her stride, fast, smooth and long.  I tried to emulate this while walking the dogs yesterday, and it was near-nigh impossible, actually it was impossible.   So I will be taking on the propeller walk, and this is where the rubber bands come in.    My plan is to slip a rather large, yet tight, rubber band around my ankles and begin training in my hallway.  Providing my circulation remains intact, and that I can keep my falling to a minimum I foresee I will be up to speed within a couple of weeks.

The Pose – this seems pretty easy to do.  Stiff back, eyes forward and swinging momentum for the arms.  At this stage I feel no training tools would be required, but if need be hubby has a plank or two in the garage that will fit down the back of my shorts and rest up at the nape of my neck.  I could encounter a few ill placed splinters, but they can be easily removed.

The Wiggle – now this might be a little more problematic for me as my lower body rhythm chromosome is missing.  I can swing my hips from side to side a couple of times, but to do this and keep my bottom cheeks clenched for a lengthy period of time is not going to be easy.  I say this because if you’ve ever tried speed-walking you will notice how you tend to clench your cheeks as you move.

But ever resourceful I have a solution for the clench, the humble boiled sweet.  Without going into too much detail, I feel the insertion of a boiled sweet between one’s cheeks followed by a hefty-long clench will do the trick.  The goal here being to unclench and release the sweet at the end of the training session.

So there you have it, a sport, a plan, a dream… and a large bag of boiled sweets.

Wimbledon and Long-Johns

Whenever I think of thermal underwear, or long-johns if you will.  Actually where does long-johns originate from?  Sorry, little distraction there.  As I was saying, whenever I think of these very-unattractive garments I always think of my grandad.  Not because he would dash around the house in them that is.  Nope, nothing as bizarre as that, but rather because his long-johns were frequently on the washing line, the long white legs flapping like demented limbs trying to escape.

I swore I would never, ever wear thermal underwear.  I mean really, what kind of message would that be sending about me?  Would I not be classing myself as old, frumpy, passionless, or even Bridget-Jones at 85?  So why on earth was I purchasing some thermals on Sunday morning?  For crying in a bucket, I live in Africa.  Isn’t it supposed to be warm here, all day, every day, all year round?  Did somebody transport me to another universe where the seasons are up the pole and not inform me?  Bloody hell, I can’t half winge about the weather.  Sorry!

Anyway, holy, cold, moly, I have to confess, those thermals were on my legs faster than you could say, “what the hell have you bought!?”  They were so warm and snuggly I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day.  Which was just as well because if you have’nt heard already,  Andy Murray did not win Wimbledon. I repeat, DID NOT win Wimbledon.  I don’t know about you, but I’m betting there’s been a surge of black-sporrons purchaseed in the last 12 hours.

It was a tough match to watch, especially as Wodger is for sure my all time favourite.  I had an uneasy feeling in my gut, and no it wasn’t indigestion, knowing I had shifted my allegieance slightly, but only for that game, to Andy-yes-I-do-cry Murray.  Shame I really wanted AM to win.  Not because he is the better player, or that he desreved it, but more to stop the British public dumping all that pressure on him, year after year after year.   Poor guy.  Just think next year it will be even more intense.   I mean, I’ve already started saying “oh well, next year will be his year.”

All together now,

COME ON ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.

COME ON ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.

COME ON ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.

COME ON ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.

COME ON ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.

COME ON ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.

COME ON ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.

COME ON ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.

COME ON ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.

 

Text Books, Corruption, where does it all start?

For several weeks, if not months, I’ve been listening to radio chat shows highlighting the Limpopo text book scandal.  And indeed this morning it was made mention that Edusolutions, one of the companies who have not delivered books, is headed by none other than Shaun Battleman.  Name not familiar?  Well Mr Battleman, it is alleged, is pretty-darn close to our Pres JZ, and even had the opportunity to travel with him to the US recently.  Oh yes, he also donated some money to Pres JZ’s education trust – you can read about here – Mail and Guardian

Now the text book debacle aside, because I could just have a melt-down over this if I get stared, had me thinking about how business works.  And to be honest it seems very clear that to maintain or gain business you have to pally-up and offer “incentives” to keep your business afloat.  It’s not enough to build a good business based on ethics and an excellent product anymore.  In fact, has it ever been this way?

Just think about the “Wednesday Golf Afternoons.”  These sporty gatherings have nothing to do with perfecting your swing. They are all about networking.  And if you are savvy enough to let the right opponent win, or pick up the cost on a regular basis, then you have ensured continued and or new business.

Now not everybody can or wants to play golf.   So how do they ensure business continues?  Simple, provide massive discounts, say all the right things, do lunches and suppers, supply tickets for top sporting events, provide gifts just because, make cash donations towards their favourite charity, and under no condiiton challenge or disagree.  In fact if a business acquaintence needs their house painting, yep you know who they should be asking.

So where does this all start?   Is there not a corrupt core within us all?  Are we born with this and use it unwittingly to different degrees?   Let me ask you a couple of questions.

Have you not as a mother ever sent along cakes and goodies to your child’s teacher because by sucking up to the teacher your child will do well?

Have you ever given a couple of extra bucks to somebody to jump the queue for your car to washed, fixed, attended to?

Have you ever attended a function because if you didn’t you would lose business or hamper a relationship that is important for progress, both professionally or personally?

Have you ever sent your child to school with the sound piece of knowledge to smile and be nice to the teacher if they want to:

• stay out of trouble
• get the best seat in the class
• get the leading role in a play
• be captain of the A side rugby/hockey team
• attain and maintain good grades

I know I’ve been guilty of all of these, and probably more.  And I also know first-hand that by not “playing” the pat-you-on-the-back-and-smile-even-though-I-dislike-you game has caused me aggro and disapointment at times.

Let me be very clear, I’m not for one minute trying to rationalise or condone the text book scandal.  I’m just trying to get my mind around where all this corruption starts.

Does it start at home? Or have we been indoctrined by our governments and big-business and therefore followed suit?  I don’t know the answer.  Do you?