I don’t care if I’m in a menopause or perimenopause stage, all I know is I’m about up to my ears with it, and I hasten to add, too bloody young for it. Hot flushes, mood swings and redistribution of weight hit me practically overnight. There was no warning, just woke one day and WHAM, I’m boiling hot and sweating profusely, hubby got his ear bitten off and my stomach started wobbling like a well set jelly tottering on a cliff edge in a gale force wind. Can you hear me groaning and gnashing my teeth people? I am more fed up than fed up can be. In fact if I meet fed-up anywhere, he might just get decked!
The only good thing to come out of this is I now have a rather larger bosom! But fat lot of good that is going to do me, I can’t exactly start wearing the much longed for skimpy tops and dresses now. And why not you may be asking. Easily explained, my wobbly mid-riff will be fighting to erupt from my pants and spoil the final effect. She says miserably while pushing flubber back in place out of sight.
Sighing heavily, I am now sorely tempted to reach for the phone and ask hubby it he still loves me, extra flubber and all. Of course this is a loaded question. If he says yes, he will have confirmed I have been flubberised and will receive another earful for being so honest inconsiderate. And if he dares to say no, I’m gonna deck him… after I’ve finished flushing and generating enough heat to light up half of Cape Town that is.
And there I was fully believing a – now very obviously tarnished – fairy tale where the change of life meant gaining financial independence, claiming back my space, enjoying a house free of children and ultimately a tranquil life.
When I find that person who lied to me…yep you’ve guessed it , I’m gonna sweat on them, make them look at my flubber and then deck them.