The London Olympics is over and I’m now in training… with some boiled sweets

Phew, what an amazing couple of weeks we’ve just had.  Back to back sport, amazing camaraderie and as for those extremely fit bodies that paraded in my lounge, well it was a pleasure to flick on my TV each day.

I don’t know about you, but from the phenomenal opening ceremony to the blast of a closing ceremony last night, it has been an absolute joy to watch and be part of. And as one can expect from such an event, the need to take up sport and emulate these Olympians has transpired, not only beyond my front door, but also within.

But what could I do I ask myself?   Could I be the next female Phelps?  Probably not.  Could I take on Usain Bolt in the 100m?  Most definitely not.  Could I even take up a bow and plant an arrow in a bulls eye?  With co-ordination such as mine, I think not.

There seems only one sport I could take on then.  And that I believe is speed-walking.  Yes my friends,  come Rio 2016, I fear I will outshine my fellow Olympians and walk my way to victory.  Of course there are a few obstacles to overcome, namely, the stride, the pose, the wiggle and sourcing a good supply of boiled sweets and some large rubber bands.

Let’s start with the Stride.  I watched the ladies speed-walk over the weekend and the silver medallist Olga Kaniskina  had a stride that was to be envied.  Unlike her fellow competitors, whose feet were flapping like propellers, Olga kept her stride, fast, smooth and long.  I tried to emulate this while walking the dogs yesterday, and it was near-nigh impossible, actually it was impossible.   So I will be taking on the propeller walk, and this is where the rubber bands come in.    My plan is to slip a rather large, yet tight, rubber band around my ankles and begin training in my hallway.  Providing my circulation remains intact, and that I can keep my falling to a minimum I foresee I will be up to speed within a couple of weeks.

The Pose – this seems pretty easy to do.  Stiff back, eyes forward and swinging momentum for the arms.  At this stage I feel no training tools would be required, but if need be hubby has a plank or two in the garage that will fit down the back of my shorts and rest up at the nape of my neck.  I could encounter a few ill placed splinters, but they can be easily removed.

The Wiggle – now this might be a little more problematic for me as my lower body rhythm chromosome is missing.  I can swing my hips from side to side a couple of times, but to do this and keep my bottom cheeks clenched for a lengthy period of time is not going to be easy.  I say this because if you’ve ever tried speed-walking you will notice how you tend to clench your cheeks as you move.

But ever resourceful I have a solution for the clench, the humble boiled sweet.  Without going into too much detail, I feel the insertion of a boiled sweet between one’s cheeks followed by a hefty-long clench will do the trick.  The goal here being to unclench and release the sweet at the end of the training session.

So there you have it, a sport, a plan, a dream… and a large bag of boiled sweets.


20 thoughts on “The London Olympics is over and I’m now in training… with some boiled sweets

  1. Sounds like far too much discomfort, to me. A better solution seems to be to eat the sweets, and watch the next batch of speedstrollers from the safety and comfort of a good armchair …

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