I’m not sure what happened when I turned fifty a few weeks back, but ever since doing so, people I barely know have become somewhat concerned about my health. And to be perfectly honest I wish they’d keep it to themselves. I mean I didn’t wake up on my fiftieth to find a purple rinsed scoliosis figure staring back at me in the mirror. Nor, I hasten to add, did I replace my favoured Issey with a litre bottle of Lavender water to bathe in, or soak my knickers over night in for that matter. If anything I looked and smelt exactly the same as I did the day before . . . when I was forty-nine. Sure my posture isn’t the best, but really folks, my vertebrae were nicely intact thank you very much.
“You know at your age, you really need to be exercising,” my physio said, before smiling and continuing along the lines of “or else you’ll be screwed later on.” Charming thank you, I thought. Now let me test the strength of my wrists around your throat.
“At your age, you need to take chances,” the skylight salesman sat at my dining table felt the need to advise me yesterday. Oh really, and how about you take a chance on leaving here with all your teeth intact, I found myself wanting to retort as I signed off the quote and sent him onward.
My hubby finds it rather amusing, having reached this age some time ago. And indeed this morning he felt compelled to add fuel to the fire, to the extent he almost went directly to the emergency room instead of the office.
“What are you laughing at,” I said, watching hubby gulp his coffee while attempting to smother his mirth.
“Come on,” I said, my menacing figure sending a very clear message of threat.
“I was just thinking about that TV show, How do I look,” he continued.
“Yeeeesssss,” I said, closing in on his nose.
“Well watching you now,” he said, glancing at my underwear clad body. “Reminded me of when one of the presenters mentioned how older women always end up with four sets of boobs.”
My eyes were narrowing at this point.
“When you bend over,” he said, his face registering an equal mix of fear and laughter. “Your stomach creates several more sets.”